I Love Everything and Everyone

Exclusive Story: It'll knock your socks off!

2007-10-10T11:56:00.000-05:00

The Bourne Ultimatum will totally knock your socks off, that is.

Wow, what a great movie. There were fights and chases and crazy shit happening all over the place.

I was blown away!

Parody

2007-10-08T22:39:00.000-05:00

According to wikipedia, parody is "a work that imitates another work in order to ridicule, ironically comment on, or poke some affectionate fun at the work itself, the subject of the work, the author or fictional voice of the parody, or another subject."

One should not expect truth from parody. For example, one would not look at an article from The Onion for the truth about current events. Thousands of people did not march on Washington for fresh air and exercise. The Yankees did not decline the Wild Card. A new heart device was not installed in Dick Cheney so that he may experience love. These things are jokes. They are for us to laugh at.

Furthermore, one can not necessarily infer anything about the feelings of the author (or authors) on the subject which they are parodying. As stated in the definition, parody can be used to "poke some affectionate fun" at something else. Certainly, when Saturday Night Live included several parodies of "Celebrity Jeopardy" it was not because they disliked the game show or the celebrities they lampooned, or thought that other game shows were better. They simply found an opportunity to create a humorous sketch which exaggerated the characteristics of the original. Likewise, the "Joe Pesci Show" sketches, which featured Joe Pesci beating up each of his guests were not actual depictions of what the writers of SNL felt about Pesci. It was merely a caricature of characters that Pesci has played.

Anything which is in the public eye is a potential source for parody. Politicians, elements of pop culture, bloggers, and even Wikipedia itself have all been the subject of parodies.

From the Uncyclopedia: "In contemporary usage, parody (otherwise known as a pisstake) is a form of satire that try to imitate another work of art in order to ridicule it but miserably fails. When the attempt to ridicule doesn't fail, it's called plagiarism. Parody exists in all art media, including literature, music, and cinema. It is notable for being significantly better than only one D."

Happy Int'l Day of Non-Violence

2007-10-02T12:09:00.000-05:00

It's International Day of Non-Violence. Try not to kill anybody.

Councilman Writes Letter to Dealer

2007-09-27T14:50:00.000-05:00

It starts off with the greeting, "Dear Piece of Trash" and it only gets better from there. See the original here.

Parallels

2007-09-26T12:29:00.000-05:00

There was a leader in Chicago who many people want replaced. At the very best, one could say that he'd had more off days than on days. At the worst, one could say that he was an overrated, completely incompetent boob.

Many many people were clamoring for his removal and replacement. The problem was that none of the people available to replace him were all that good. Some had once shown some leadership potential, while others seemed like while they wouldn't let anything bad happen, they also wouldn't take charge and make any improvements (though, arguably, that could be better than the current situation).

When he re-won his job, some folks appeared to jump onto his bandwagon, saying "We know he's got problems, but he's better than the alternative. Just because I've criticized him in the past doesn't mean that I necessarily need to choose one of the other people up for the job. They're not necessarily going to be better."

Those folks got lambasted as being hypocrites and traitors. But I saw their point -- even though the leader in question was not doing the job well, it didn't mean that the other choices would do it any better.

On the other hand, some people want to see change for the sake of change. Tom Westgard feels that "it's a step forward to try a new option."

Well, those who want change are going to get it this weekend: Brian Griese is taking over the reins as quarterback of the Chicago Bears. It will be interesting to see if it's better, worse, or different at all. What I do know is that the Bears couldn't keep going the way they were going, and some change was definitely needed. Will it be enough?

Does this all sound very very familiar?

Tooting our Own Horns

2007-09-18T11:19:00.000-05:00

We here at I Love Everything and Everyone aren't given to tooting our own horns very often, but this time we just couldn't resist as we have recently been honored by none other than Archie Gait's mother who has bestowed upon us her "Archie's Mom Loves This Site" seal of approval. As if that weren't enough, we've been ranked (using her incredibly precise, but impossible-to-understand rating system) as her number one, most favorite site on the entire internet.

How cool is that?

We promise not to let this go to our head. We'll still be bringing you the most hard hitting nonsense in the blogosphere.

Town Hall Meeting Gives Townspeople Chance To Say Stupid Things In Public

2007-09-10T10:32:00.000-05:00

Town Hall Meeting Gives Townspeople Chance To Say Stupid Things In Public

NEW BEDFORD, MA—In a true display of democracy, a town hall meeting held at the New Bedford High School auditorium Monday gave the crowd of approximately 550 residents the opportunity to publicly voice every last one of the inane thoughts and concerns they would normally only have the chance to utter to themselves.

The Duck Says....

2007-09-06T11:24:00.001-05:00

The duck says, "Eat me, I'm delicious!"

Broken Heart Looking for Love

2007-09-04T16:22:00.000-05:00

From Found Magazine.

The Famous Blue Truck

2007-08-29T15:58:00.000-05:00

Here's that stupid blue truck everyone's been following around -- parking illegally again in front of a red fire hydrant.

Curse you blue truck!

This is a possum

2007-08-29T13:20:00.000-05:00

The possum says, "Meow!"

To whom it may concern:

2007-08-28T11:20:00.000-05:00

To the jackass with the air horn running around Pratt & Newgard, blasting it at 11:30PM last night, you can run, but you can't hide. You may have been faster than me last night, but I'm in training, and I'm coming for you.

Teamist Idiots at Sun-Times

2007-08-16T15:54:00.001-05:00

This latest evidence of the rampant teamism and stupidity over at the Chicago Sun-Times really pisses me off. Those morons have written an article titled "Another Day in the Coliseum" which details the White Sox loss to the Oakland Athletics yesterday in Oakland, California and mentions that the Sox are now 6-24 at the Oakland ballpark.

That might seem all well and good, but why don't those dips at that "newspaper" mention anything about the Cubs in the article? Have the Cubs never played at the Coliseum? What sort of records do the White Sox have at other ballparks, such as Shea Stadium? Who would win in a game between the Chicago White Sox and the Justice League of America, another team completely ignored by this one-sided, idiotic article.

Touché

2007-08-16T10:55:00.000-05:00

A Puppy in a Garden?

2007-08-16T01:10:00.000-05:00

Is it even possible?

You bet'cha it is!

A lovely couple

2007-08-14T16:21:00.001-05:00

I didn't have a camera, so this artist's rendering will have to do.

Funny Chicago Times quote

2007-08-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

"The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat and dishwatery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States."

Giraffe

2007-08-13T13:01:00.000-05:00

The giraffe says "moo."

A Year Without "Made in China"

2007-08-10T08:27:00.000-05:00

A Year Without "Made in China" follows journalist Sara Bongiorni on her quest to keep her family free of Chinese-made products for one year. She humorously describes just how difficult it is to keep her husband, two children, and herself, fed, clothed, and entertained while avoiding anything made in China. I highly recommend this book for anyone who's considering going on a similar boycott, or for anyone who thinks it would be easy as pie.

Bloomberg news calls it, "a wry look at the ingenuity it takes to shun the planet's fastest-growing economy."

A crisis of cookware

2007-08-09T11:18:00.001-05:00

We need less of this:

"Grr!"

and more of this:

Rogers Pork

2007-08-09T11:15:00.000-05:00

The pig says, "Oink oink!"

This is a puppy

2007-08-08T12:32:00.001-05:00

Walking More Harmful Than Driving

2007-08-07T15:36:00.000-05:00

Hat-tip to my buddy Dave for pointing this one out to me:

Walking does more than driving to cause global warming, a leading environmentalist has calculated.

Food production is now so energy-intensive that more carbon is emitted providing a person with enough calories to walk to the shops than a car would emit over the same distance. The climate could benefit if people avoided exercise, ate less and became couch potatoes. Provided, of course, they remembered to switch off the TV rather than leaving it on standby. Full story...

Kitty!

2007-08-07T15:09:00.000-05:00

Robots in Disguise

2007-08-05T11:23:00.000-05:00

I saw Transformers last night. What a cool movie!

People Who Don't Read Blogs are Ignorant and Apathetic

2007-07-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

From RogersParkBench: "Those of you who read the blogs are seeking information. You are engaged, you wish to know what's going on. But of RPB's 500-600 daily readers, there remains approximately 60,000 residents of this pitiful two-square mile ward that don't know shit about what's happening right outside their front door."

We here at ILEAE agree wholeheartedly. Those (approximately) 60,000 people who don't read Rogers Park Bench every day are idiots. We've heard all the excuses and think they're all bullshit. They include:

I don't have access to the internet.

I'm only six months old.

I'm 80 years old and don't know what the internet is.

I write my own blog.

I prefer to get my news from reputable sources that aren't permanently biased, factually inaccurate, and focused on personal vendettas.

These excuses are ridiculous and we suggest to those (approximately) 60,000 people that perhaps they'd be happier in a different Chicago neighborhood, because we don't need them here.

Study Shows That Tone of Voice Doesn't Always Come Across in Written Word

2007-07-02T23:39:00.000-05:00

(That's a hell of a long title.)

A report has come out stating that often times, an author's intended tone fails to come across when it is written down, or posted to a blog. This may lead to readers misunderstanding the author's intent. Verbal cues, which are necessary when expressing such things as sarcasm or irony simply aren't present in the printed word.

For example: Were I to say "I love paying over $3.50 for a gallon of gas," you would immediately be able to tell that I was being sarcastic due to the inflection that I would place on the word "love." This inflection would indicate that I don't actually love paying that much money for a gallon of gas. While this can be difficult to relay in writing, there are many ways that it can be done.

Context

Context can be a very helpful clue when it comes to sarcasm. For instance, if I wrote a paragraph all about how ridiculous it is that gas prices are so high, the current administration's inability to do anything about it, and the like, and then I said, "I just love paying over $3.50 for a gallon of gas," the reader would have some context with which to work. It is unlikely that a careful reader would be confused by an apparent change of feelings about gas prices.

A danger with relying on context, however, is when an author often present contradictory viewpoints and widely varying stances. When the author is an indefatigable blowhard who is just as likely to enjoy paying an exorbitant sum for gas as he is to believe that gas prices are too high, then the message can be confusing and the reader might not come to the intended conclusions.

Text styling

Another way of indicating sarcasm or irony is through proper uses of text styling. Combined with contextual clues, italic text can go a long way towards presenting the tone of voice that the author intends to use.

For example, consider this sentence: "Having you in this neighborhood really makes life better for all of us." Now, look at it this way: "Having you in this neighborhood really makes life better for all of us." While this might be confusing without the proper context, when considered in its proper place, the italic text in this sentence will help readers dramatically.

Just come out and say it

It works for Homer Simpson. "In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic."

Hopefully, these tips will help you when trying to get a point across to a reader. Remember: tone of voice is very important when it comes to conveying the fact that what you are saying is not exactly what you mean. Also remember that tone of voice is difficult to express in the written word, especially with readers who may not know you or your sense of humor. By no means should you insult or blame your readers if they don't follow -- it's most likely your fault as opposed to theirs.

Which Team Will You Join?

2007-06-28T16:14:00.000-05:00

'European Heritage' means 'White Team', right? (from gop.com)

A Hat-Tip, Horn Toot and Back Pat

2007-06-27T16:41:00.000-05:00

Big hat-tip over to Craig at The 'Broken Heart' of Rogers Park for this hat-tip which links back to this article. We're all connected, but really, the only way you'll know anything about anything that's going on in the world is by reading blogs which point you at articles on other blogs.

And here's another hat-tip: when wearing a nice hat (such as a Fedora) do not remove it by the crown. Rather, you should use both hands on the brim to remove the hat. Removing it by the crown will cause the crown to become misshapen.

Literal Response -- The Way to Go!

2007-06-25T10:35:00.000-05:00

If there's anything I hate more than figurative language, I don't know what it is. Figurative language is like a knife jammed into my skull, twisting around as it mixes up the vital gray matter contained within. People should only speak literally, without exaggeration, without metaphor or color.

That's why when someone says something, the best response is to take their comment completely literally and turn it right back on them.

For instance, say I've been talking about how much I love fish. I keep going on and on about how great fish are as pets and as dinner entrees. I love fish fish fish.

Then someone says something like, "Oh man, that guy loves bass so much, if he ate any more of it, he'd turn into one!"

That would get my goat. That would fry my chaps. That would raise my dander. My only choice would be to reply, "Hey! I've never said a damn thing about bass. Look through any comment I've ever made and you'll see not one thing about bass. You are incorrect, you jackass!"

That's what I would say.

Some might say that to do so would be ignoring the meat of the message; that a response of that nature would do nothing to further the debate (such as it was). Some might even call me deliberately obtuse or nitpicky or overly literal. Well all of those people can burn in hell. That's right. I said it. And that's all I have to say about that. If someone wants to add to a debate with me, they damn well better be as literal as a value, as opposed to an identifier, written into the source code of a computer program.

Report: Most Blogs Written by Same Person

2007-06-21T11:05:00.001-05:00

Came across an interesting study today that will potentially threaten Rogers Park's status as the "5th bloggiest neighborhood." It turns out that most blogs in the area (not including this one, however) are written by the same person.

This so-called "Blog Czar" (pictured at left) has been writing most of the Rogers Park-related blogs that you and I are familiar with. He has used many names and worn many faces, but this exclusive ILEAE photo reveals his true appearance.

Rogers Park blogs he is responsible for include: The 'Broken Heart' of Rogers Park; Rogers Park Neighbor; Rogers Park Forever; Rogers Park Rake; And That's My Opinion; David Fagus's blog; The North Coast; The Trash Detective; and The Living Room in Rogers Park.

Experts also suspect that he is behind many other blogs that have little or nothing to do with Rogers Park. The Blog Czar allegedly writes: Hot Dog Fingers; Landscape Design; Queelin Guy; and Maxdon: A Guide to So-So Parenting.

The report has caused cries of horror, surprise, and apathy (amongst others) throughout the blogosphere which is unlikely to ever be the same.

The Sweet Smell of Reconciliation

2007-06-14T15:17:00.000-05:00

As Rebecca said in the comment section, this is the home of love and so how could I pass this up?

It appears that two local bloggers who have long been at each other's throats are making positive steps towards reconciliation. In the comment section of a recent post on Tom Westgard's Rogers Park Rake, Craig Gernhardt (of The 'Broken Heart' of Rogers Park) said, "Hey Tommy boy...you wan[t] to come down to Tennessee this weekend[?]"

Westgard has yet to publicly respond to this touching invitation.

No word yet on whether Gernhardt planned on paying Westgard's expenses, nor whether a similar invitation was extended to Tom Mannis (Rogers Park Bench.)

Must Read Report about a Must Read Report

2007-06-12T16:17:00.000-05:00

According to Tom Mannis over at Rogers Park Bench, Craig Gernhardt at The 'Broken Heart' of Rogers Park has written a report that is a must-read!

According to Mannis, Gernhardt's report is "stunning" and contains words such as "allegedly" and "company".

FULL REPORT...

Officials Say Blog Titles Running Low

2007-06-12T13:56:00.001-05:00

It seems that the nation's 5th bloggiest 'nabe' is causing problems on a worldwide scale by using up a nonrenewable natural resource. No, it's not coal or oil -- it's blog names.

Representatives from blogger.com, hosts of over 3.5 million blogs (short for 'weblogs') say that they are running low on site names on their blogspot.com hosting server.

"Just last week, someone took three more names, bringing us down to a scant 43 names left," said Sally Dupree, spokesperson for the site. "If this keeps up, there won't be anything left."

She added, "Many of the blogs aren't even real blogs but just point to other blogs."

Dupree refused to comment on which names remained out of concerns that the final possible names would all be taken by one person. Some bloggers have as many as six blogs on the blogspot site.

Related: Report: Only 7 Band Names Remaining

We Are All Gonna Die

2007-06-07T12:24:00.000-05:00

US scientists discover new, incredibly insanely lethally deadly bacteria

In a dramatic case of microbial sleuthing, US scientists said they have discovered a new, ludicrously deadly strain of bacteria previously unknown to medicine.

The bacteria was found in a 43-year-old American woman who had traveled across Peru for three weeks and suffered from symptoms similar to typhoid fever or malaria. The woman has since died in a manner so excruciatingly painful that not even the shlocky shock news reporters at Yahoo dared to describe it. Read More...

Life Imitating Art Imitating Life

2007-05-31T11:06:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was lucky enough to catch a particularly compelling episode of "The Simpsons" titled "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes". In the episode, Homer buys a computer and sets up a web page (with the tagline "All the Muck That's Fit to Rake) where, as "Mr. X", he begins posting about various problems and issues facing the town of Springfield. He starts off about a especially troublesome pothole:

% Later that night, Homer's Web page hasn't gotten a single hit.  Lisa
% tells her father that a successful page has to offer people
% something, like jokes or opinions.
%
% Just then, the screech of car tires is heard outside.  The car hits
% the pothole and the wheel comes off.  It smashes through the front
% window and lands in front of the fireplace.

Homer: That lousy pothole.  Why don't they fix it?
Bart: [walks in with a cookie and a glass of milk] I heard Mayor 
 Quimby spent the street repair fund on a secret swimming 
 pool for himself.
Homer: Get out.  Who told you that?
Bart: Nelson.
Homer: Hmmm.  That's the kind of dirt that belongs on my web 
 page.
Lisa: You can't post that on the Internet.  You don't even know 
 if it's true!
Homer: Nelson has never steered me wrong, honey.  Nelson is gold.
Bart: You know, it might have been Jimbo.
Homer: Beautiful, we have confirmation.  [Lisa sighs in 
 exasperation]

Homer starts racking up the hits on his website:

% We switch to Principal Skinner at home.  He is also reading Mr. X's
% scoop.

Skinner: Our mayor is corrupt?  Mr. "X" has done this town a 
  great service, despite his poor grammar and 
  spelling.
Agnes:  Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
Skinner: No, Mother.
Agnes:  You sissy!

His site is even mentioned on the local news:

Kent: A new Internet watchdog is creating a stir in Springfield.  
 Mr. "X", if that is real name, has come up with a 
 sensational scoop.
Homer: [watching at home] Darn tooting!
Kent: But we must never forget that the real news is on local 
 TV, delivered by real officially licensed newsmen, like 
 me, Kent Brockman.  Coming up: how do they get those dogs 
 to talk on the beer commercials?  [a reporter in a big 
 cowboy hat appears] Cowboy Steve will tell you!

People begin wondering about the true identity of Mr. X:

Lenny: According to my uncle, Miss Springfield isn't as beautiful 
 as she seems.  Word is she uses appearance-altering 
 cosmetics.
Moe: Oh my God, that's shocking.
Carl: The public should be warned.  I wish Mr. "X" was here.
Homer: [slyly] Oh, I don't know, Carl, he might be closer than 
 you think.
Carl: Are you him?  Are you Mr. "X"?
Homer: No.
Carl: But you talked in the real sly voice.  Hey, hey, 
 everybody!  Homer's Mr. "X".
Homer: I am not! ... [slyly] or am I?
Lenny: Are you?
Homer: No.

Homer breaks a big story about Mr. Burns selling plutonium to terrorists and Mr. X is rewarded for his efforts:

Woman:  We'd like to award this years Pulitzer prize to Mr. 
  "X".  Unfortunately, we don't know who he is, so his
  cash award will be used to feed starving children.
Homer:  Noooo!  [runs down to podium]
Homer:  I'm Mr. "X"!  Gimme, gimme!
Woman:  We'll need some proof.
Homer:  [Homer puts Mr. "X" hood on head] Ta-Da!
Krabappel: He _is_ Mr. "X"!  Hah!
Homer:  Thank you folks, and now I'm off to expose more 
  secret conspiracies and ...
  [walks into a pole, since he has the hood on his 
  head still]
  Oh, I bit by tongue.

Homer finds, however, that now that people know that he is Mr. X, they will no longer have conversations around him. He finds himself in a bind:

Homer: Oh, nobody's visiting my web page anymore.  My counter is 
 actually going down.
 [we see a tumbleweed bounce across his web site, as his 
 counter rapidly decreases]
Lisa: Well, you can't post news if you don't have any.
Homer: That's a great idea!  I'll make up some news!
Lisa: At least take off your Pulitzer prize when you say that.

Real news no longer holds any interest for Homer:

Nelson: Hey, Mr. "X", I've got a tip for you.  They're dissecting 
 frozen hobos in Science class.  And I've got the bindles 
 to prove it.  [holds up some empty bindles]
Homer: Real news is great, son, But I'm getting a thousand hits 
 an hour with Grade-A bullplop.

(quotes from http://www.snpp.com/episodes/CABF02)

So anyhow -- draw your own parallels, coincidences, meaning, and import.

Mistaken Identities

2007-05-29T11:31:00.000-05:00

My identity, once the subject of much debate, had mostly become the subject about which nobody cared. And frankly, that's the way I'd like to keep it.

However, on a recent post, Tom Westgard of the Rogers Park Rake stated that I am Tom Mannis of the Rogers Park Bench. At first I thought that this was just a baseless accusation/assumption, but in the comments section of that article Westgard states that Mannis actually admitted to being me.

This is not true. Don't you all remember? I'm Joe Moore. No wait, I'm Craig. No wait, I'm Charlie. Oh shit -- who am I?

Who am I? A friend of mine wants to know why you insist on wringing all the mysteries out of life. You haven't felt this way since before your parents told you about Santa Claus, or halfway through The Usual Suspects when you wondered who Keyser Soze was. Just leave well enough alone.

There are no cicadas

2007-05-23T12:54:00.000-05:00

It's all a right-wing conspiracy hoax, people. They would have you believe that the aliens dropped cicada eggs into the soil 17 years ago in order to have them hatch this week. It's all a scare tactic -- they're trying to keep you inside and afraid while they go out and dance around like Kathy Bates on a 2-week Twinkie bender. Don't believe their bullshit. The bugs aren't coming, and the aliens don't exist.

Meanwhile, it's going to be 87 fucking degrees today. Can anyone say global warming? I know I can.

GLOBAL FUCKING WARMING.

Geriatric Goon

2007-05-17T11:31:00.000-05:00

So, the other day, I was walking near one of our local restaurants, minding my own business, when this old woman comes up behind me, hits me a couple times with Don Gordon's baseball bat, and grabs my purse -- yeah, I carry a purse, so what? -- and starts running off with it. I quickly caught up to her and grabbed it back and then fled in fear. As I was running away, I noticed I was being chased by a local elected official. "It's my purse, you bastard!" I shouted. He yelled back, "Drop it!"

I jumped a fence and rounded a corner and ran straight into a reporter from ABC news who was eager to get my side of the story. Impressively, she managed to keep pace with me as I ran. Not so impressive was her mangling of every quote I gave her.

Stupid Game

2007-05-01T12:17:00.001-05:00

Not only is that game pretty boring, but I guess I'm not even any good at it -- apparently my technorati search wasn't very good, because while it pulled up a dead page over at the Rogers Park Bench -- excuse me, the Revolutionary People's Bench -- it must have somehow gotten bad information. Anyhow, the funny article about Mike Harrington does exist, but just at this different location.

Crap -- this is altogether far too lucid and coherent for our (read as "my") new look and feel over here. My apologies. This should make up for it:

They're coming to get me...I mean, us! I mean, it's the end days and whatnot! Help!

A Game to Keep our Minds From our Troubles

2007-04-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

I learned a new game! It's called 'Find the Deleted Posts'!

Here's how we play -- we remember posts on someone's blog that they deleted and then we post the cached version.....

Like this!

Limping Along: Gordon Election Party (cached version)

Not only is it super fun but it obviously points out to everyone who reads it that the person who did the deleting is a hypocrite! ... or something like that. Because, people aren't allowed to make changes (like you can't be against someone and talk shit about them and then turn around and endorse or support them -- that's a no-no!)

Oh forget it. That game's just fucking boring.

Uhoh. They're out to get me...

2007-04-26T12:49:00.000-05:00

Well now I'm just going to seem hypocritical, because it appears that they are out to get me. Just when I thought everything was cool, it seems that it is not. I don't want to appear paranoid or anything, but I think the UFOs are closing in.

Plus, the aliens are causing global warming, even though it's cold outside. Take that, sense of reason!

Paranoia

2007-04-25T14:25:00.000-05:00

Have I talked about paranoia before? I suppose that the messianic complex comes close to what I've been seeing lately, but some of this shit is bordering on a martyr complex which is described as being an 'exaggerated desire for self-sacrifice.' But honestly, there are some seriously straight-up paranoid people out there.

I'm not going to get into a lengthy description of what paranoia's all about, nor am I going to name names (we all remember what happened when I did that, well before all our current troubles began -- the simple naming of a name lead to a discussion I'd never have again, were I to have my druthers.) What I would like to do is urge some caution: those of you who would dedicate your lives to developing the most outrageous of conspiracy theories and then put yourself smack dab in the middle of the conspiracy, as a target or the subject are insane. There's no way around it. What would you say to the person who thinks the government is chasing him down with black helicopters, covering-up alien landings and implanting probes within our buttocks?

Also: if you donate money to a blogger, you're an idiot. That said, if you'd like to send some money to me, Archie Gait, I will not object...

I'm Still Around

2006-11-24T23:18:00.000-06:00

My ears were burning. My heart beat faster. Someone must have been talking about me. Lo and behold, it was my good friend Craig Gernhardt over at the Broken Heart of Rogers Park.

Craig laments that I have faded away. I know the feeling. I miss me too. Rather, I miss all of you, the good people who with wit, charm and charisma, have welcomed me into the fold of the Rogers Park blogging community. It is you who have made all my efforts worthwhile.

Craig says that I never really told you who I am. I disagree. I sign each post with my name. It's a good name and I'm proud of it.

Once again, there is speculation about my being employed by Joe Moore or his offices, which to this day remains one of my favorite paranoid conspiracy theories of all time. It's not true.

Let me prove it to you once and for all by announcing my official endorsement of a candidate for alderman of the 49th ward. It's not Joe. It's not Jim. Neither is it Chris, nor Don. It's not even Craig.

It's me.

Archie Gait. If you only vote for one aldermanic candidate this election, make it a vote for Archie.

Hell of a slogan, huh?

Not Blogging Is Easy

2006-10-05T11:45:00.000-05:00

Man, I thought that taking a sabbatical from blogging was going to be tough but it turns out that it's really easy. I don't miss it at all. I don't feel like I have to be "on" all the time anymore. It's been really relaxing to just be good ol' Archie and not have to do the performance that I put on for the visitors to the site.

It's also great not reading or commenting on other blogs. A weight has been lifted from my life. I don't need to get sucked into the negativity and hostility that pervade the Rogers Park blogs these days. It's as if nobody cares about anything other than yelling the loudest, talking the most shit and being the biggest asshole they can possibly be. No more of that for me! I found that it had begun to infect my own thoughts and I was doing nothing more than trying to dig up dirt on certain people. Fortunately, even though I found a bunch of material (and published some of it) I was able to exercise restraint and not trivialize the very important world of blogs with petty crap. Thank goodness. I'll just have to forget about the juicy bits concerning all the racism and digital vandalism that are waiting to be posted. Be strong, Archie. Be strong!

Anyhow -- this is going really well!

A Blogging Sabbatical

2006-10-04T09:16:00.000-05:00

Recently, Tom Westgard announced that he was taking a sabbatical from blogging and my advisors have informed me that it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to do the same, so starting today, I shall not be blogging for a period of about 1 month.

I'll see you after the general elections.

Athlete Does the Unthinkable

2006-09-28T15:56:00.000-05:00

Wes Cavalier, local athlete, has recently participated in several activities involving competition and physical exertion. This stinks of athletics.

Whoopsie!

2006-09-28T12:59:00.000-05:00

Well, even the best of us make mistakes once in a while. It turns out that I was misinformed about Chris Adams. It turns out that he's not a wrestler; he did not invent the flying superkick; he did not train "Stone Cold" Steve Austin; and most importantly (thank God!) he is not dead.

It turns out that Chris Adams is actually a cricketer from England! I mistakenly read and posted a link to the wrong article. This is the appropriate article.

While I am very relieved to hear that Mr. Adams is not dead and that he has had an incredible career, scoring over 15,000 runs over nearly 20 years, I am a bit disturbed to find out that he doesn't even live in the United States, much less Chicago or Rogers Park. While we are all the same underneath our skin and we all have the same human needs and desires, there are issues and problems here in Rogers Park that are specific and unique. I think that at the very least, Mr. Adams should 'cross the pond' (as the Brits say) and spend some time in our neighborhood before he is qualified to represent us.

Another Wrestler in Office?

2006-09-27T14:56:00.000-05:00

I don't know how to lead into this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: Chris Adams is a former professional wrestler and is actually deceased. Shocking, huh? Don't believe it? Well, Read this.

The article lays out his entire career from his humble beginnings in the late 1970s to his time on the tag-team "The Dynamic Duo" to drug problems and eventual death, shot in the chest by a former roommate.

He was the winner of 11 different championship titles and the inventor of many important signature moves, such as the flying superkick. He also is known for having trained wrestlers Scott Hall and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.

R.I.P. Gentleman Christopher Adams. You are missed.

Startling Revelations

2006-09-27T01:00:00.000-05:00

I don't want to alarm anyone, but over the next couple days, I am going to reveal some things about the 49th ward aldermanic candidates that are going to blow your minds. Nothing is going to be the same.

Hang on and find a chair. You'll want to be sitting down for this.

More Words...

2006-09-21T14:02:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been helping you out with words that don't need hyphens. Here are some more:

unethical
immoral
idiotic
hypocrite
moronic
vapid
corrupt
egomaniac
megalomaniac
confused
unfocused
unwarranted
unjustified
prejudiced

And lest you think I don't want you to have any fun with hyphens, here are some words that do need them:

self-serving
self-loathing
hare-brained
feeble-minded

Interesting Candidates

2006-09-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

If you think our candidates are weird, just check out Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson and Mike the Mover, both Democratic candidates in Washington's primary election next Tuesday. Here's their info.

Wasted Hyphens (UPDATED AGAIN)

2006-09-12T01:07:00.000-05:00

I'd like to talk about an issue that concerns us all: the unnecessary use of hyphens in the world. Hyphens are not an unlimited resource. Once we use them all up, there will be no more and we will have to turn to other punctuation marks to replace them.

I'd like to ask you to do your part to save the hyphens. I'm hoping that with voluntary compliance, I won't have to legislate against excessive hyphen usage once I'm in office.

To help you out, here are several examples of words that don't need hyphenation:

And this is just a partial list. There are many, many more words that don't require the use of a hyphen. Hopefully this will get you started as you begin your own quest for the conservation of this very important and very limited natural resource.

Updated

misinformation
whereas
foresee
unattended
unquote
uncovered
untreated
unloading
unhealthy
unexpected
unmanned
unauthorizezd
iPod
subcontractor
in between
online
reopening
pigskin
leftovers
minivan
ongoing
website
granddaddy
update
keepsake
antisocial
midday
overall
pinpoint
rejoin
moonlighting
makeover
dugout
outcome
weekend

Updated Again

uncharted
backtrack
fanfare
dimwits
permitless
nonprofit
hotbed
heavyweight
lowdown
meanwhile
downtrodden
eyeglasses
prewarn (which is just about the dumbest word ever -- why not just warn someone?)
kickoff
unanswered
fundraiser
infomercial
PayPal
eBay
bypasses
fenceless
roughshod
unsupervised
unedited
backyard
withstood
previewing
unsanctioned
uncovered

Joe Moore takes a page from my book.

2006-09-06T13:50:00.000-05:00

So it's been a while since I've posted here, mostly because my advisors have been screening everything I've written and have found it to be too potty-mouthed to publish. "It's not Aldermanic," they say. "We can't print this." But that's all changed now.

According to Craig G., bloglord of 'The "Broken Heart" of Rogers Park' Blog, Grill and Nightclub, 49th Ward Alderman Joe Moore told him to fuck himself 'after a brief verbal exchange.' One can only imagine what that brief verbal exchange consisted of, and I for one would be curious to know.

Regardless of what caused Alderman Moore's outburst, I find it refreshing and uplifting.

Back when I announced my candidacy for Alderman I stated that I had been considering three options. The first was a peaceful contemplation of the beauty and wonder that surrounds me every day. The second was telling everyone to fuck off and die. The third was running for alderman. I chose the third one thinking that it precluded the first two.

Thanks to Alderman Moore, I now know I was wrong. These things do not have to be mutually exclusive. These things can be aldermanic.

So, I have told my advisors to go fuck themselves. I'll post what I want and when I want and sensitivity can be damned.

Welcome to the new Archie Gait campaign:

Archie Gait '07: Fuck Off!

Art!

2006-08-06T21:04:00.000-05:00

Spent a lovely evening at the group show at the Eidolon Art Studio this past Saturday. All of the artists who showed their work are to be commended. I found the works of Hilesh Patel and Angela Scalisi to be particularly compelling. With food and wine supplied generously by Ginderske 2007 (wish I'd thought of that) it was a wonderful time.

Evil, Evil Republicans

2006-06-21T07:57:00.000-05:00

Some will say that he hasn't gotten a fair shake; that the only perspective we have on him is skewed by the "liberal media." I say that we don't need his kind. He is evil, through and through.

Who am I talking about? Well just look at this banner ad I discovered today:

That's right -- the Republicans are endorsing the archnemesis of Harry Potter: he who shall not be named; the evilest of evil wizards: Voldemort.

I always knew they were evil, but I didn't realize that they were this evil.

Sweeping Issues Under the Rug

2006-06-20T00:29:00.000-05:00

I don't normally do this but I feel myself compelled to pull quotes from another blog.

This evening, while reading the "Broken Heart" of Rogers Park looking for updated news on one of the more important issues of recent times -- namely the blatant and willful cutting down of a tent in the park -- I came across this very disturbing comment from Kathleen Hogan:

Sorry, Craig, it was Mother Nature who blew down the little paint tent, not mischief-makers. As for the human excrement, I was not informed; when walking in the park, most humans must be careful not to step into unpicked-up dog leavings.

I feel that it is this sort of avoidance of the issues that is keeping Rogers Park from being the utopian neighborhood that it could be. Mother Nature? Really? Next they'll be claiming that it was a "big bad wolf" who "huffed and puffed" and blew the tent down.

It brings to mind another situation where "Mother Nature" was blamed for such destruction. Buildings were destroyed, people lost their homes, lives were lost and ruined. Everyone was so quick to cast the blame on "Mother Nature" and yet we learned in the months that followed that it was actually the federal government's fault and had nothing whatsoever to do with "Mother Nature."

This stinks of more than just the "human excrement" left behind. This smells of a cover-up.

Another guy

2006-06-14T16:53:00.000-05:00

This guy doesn't give a rat's ass about you or Rogers Park.

I do.

Remember that.

Posters

2006-06-12T15:39:00.000-05:00

Just got the new posters in. I think they look great and we're all really excited about them. Expect to see them up in the neighborhood (don't worry -- they'll be legally placed and securely attached) soon, but for now, here's a sneak peek!

"Opening the Gait"

2006-06-10T09:56:00.000-05:00

Opening the Gait
by Edgar Steintip
Alderman's Health Magazine Vol. 23 Issue 6 June 2006.
Reprinted with permission.

Chicago's 49th ward lies within the boundaries of its Rogers Park neighborhood -- the most diversely populated neighborhood in an incredibly diverse city. There are more languages, skin tones and sexual preferences represented in this neighborhood than any other in the city making the governance of the area a considerable challenge.

Currently the 49th ward is run by Alderman Joe Moore, who has been in power since 1991. However, his popularity is flagging and there are many highly qualified candidates poised to upset the incumbent and take the 49th ward in new directions.

The most recent of these candidates is Archie T.S. Gait, who announced his intention to run in a post on his blog just last week. Virtually unknown in the political scene, Mr. Gait is definitely the underdog in this already tough election. I had the opportunity to speak with him immediately following his announcement.

AHM: In your announcement, you said that you felt your only options were to either tell everyone to 'fuck off' or to run for alderman. Why do you feel you had so few choices?

Archie Gait: Well, let me first clarify that I do not feel that those two options are mutually exclusive. I'm considering running on an "everyone fuck off" platform that my staff is incredibly excited about.

AHM: Duly noted. But why those two things? Why not just take a vacation? Or start knitting? You have little political experience and virtually no name recognition.

AG: It really just felt like the right thing to do. I mean, it seemed like everyone else was doing it. Or is about to do it. Or wants to do it. It looked like a whole lot of fun and I wanted in.

AHM: So you're running on a whim.

AG: Isn't everyone else?

AHM: You've kept your true identity shrouded in a veil of secrecy. Why all the mystery?

AG: [laughing] That's a hell of a description -- "a veil of secrecy." Did you learn that in your journalism class? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Um, yeah. Look -- I'm sick of all this talk about 'Who is Archie Gait? Is it this person? Is it that person?' Archie Gait is Archie Gait. There's nothing more to it than that. Nobody keeps asking 'Who is Joe Moore?' or 'Who is Tom Westgard?' We're all just people. I am who I say i am -- dedicated, concerned, caring, loving. I have no secrets.

AHM: So why did you refuse to meet me face to face?

AG: I would have loved to have met you in person, but I'm a very busy man. I've got several different engagments today. Plus, I'm shy. Did I mention that?

AHM: Some people believe that you don't even live in Rogers Park. Is that true?

AG: Of course I live in Rogers Park. Do you think I'd spend all this time here if I didn't? Rogers Park is a great place to live but a terrible place to visit. That's what I'm going to be working on as alderman.

AHM: Why do you say it's a terrible place to visit?

AG: There's nothing here. There's no reason to come here. Sure, we've got a few restaurants and bars and a theater or two, a couple miles of beach, but that's it. There are dozens of places in the city where you can find that and a parking spot to boot.

AHM: Why do you think that is?

AG: There's a lot of people in this neighborhood who don't know what they want. They think they want the neighborhood to be a better place, but they try to block every attempt to make it better. They scoff at everyone who makes an effort to change things. They spend all their time finding faults as opposed to celebrating the positive.

AHM: Celebrating the positive seems to be what you're all about.

AG: Absolutely. That's why I started my blog, "I Love Everything and Everyone." It's admittedly a little tongue in cheek, but the main purpose was to find some little thing related to the neighborhood and point out its good side.

AHM: You've made some enemies doing that though.

AG: Well, some people just can't take a fucking joke.

AHM: Any final thoughts you'd like to share with our readers?

AG: Just that everyone should know that as alderman, I'm not going to waste everyone's time with smoking bans and foie gras bans and other trivial things meant to distract the populace from the true issues at hand. That's such a Bush tactic. I'm going to focus on the important things: getting rid of the slumlords and the drug dealers; improving the local infrastructure; and finally bringing the amusement park to Rogers Park that we all want.

AHM: Wait. What? Amusement park?

AG: You'll see. Good day!

The Big Announcement

2006-06-06T01:37:00.000-05:00

"It's been a while since I rapped at ya..."

But I've felt like everybody else is doing a pretty good job of talking about everything that needs (and doesn't need) to be talked about. I've been keeping my distance, figuring out what my next move is and I've come up with these three options:

Sitting outside, looking at the flowers, taking deep breaths, feeling like the calm center of the universe that I know I should be.

Telling everyone to fuck off and die.

Running for Alderman.

So, while I was sitting outside, looking at the flowers, and taking those deep breaths so I would have enough air in my lungs to yell "Fuck off and die!" at everyone walking past, I realized something. I realized that number 3 was the only valid option.

That's right -- you heard it here first. It's time for Archie T.S. Gait to throw his hat into the ring, make his presence felt, and let his voice be heard not just by the nerds who read this fake crap on the internet, but by everybody who bothers to pay attention to what their alderman says. So here we go, my little friends. It's going to be a long, hard road, but with my team of dedicated volunteers and the vast amounts of cash at my disposal, I know that we can win this one and truly make the 49th ward the place that everyone thinks that they want to think that it can be.

So remember: the other guys are bad. Archie T.S. Gait is good. That is all you'll ever need to know.

One Week Anniversary

2006-05-23T15:41:00.000-05:00

It's been a week since I've read any of the Rogers Park-related blogs. It started quite accidentally, but once I realized it had been a couple days, I thought, "I can do this!" Do I feel some symptoms of withdrawal? Yes. Do I find myself thinking, "I could fill the next five minutes by reading some ridiculously dramatic and vitriolic trash?" Absolutely. Do I twitch and sweat and mutter to myself? Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with this.

But: Do I feel better? Do I feel more positive about the people in my neighborhood? Do I feel better about people and humanity in general?

You bet'cha. It's beautiful outside and there's no room in this world for the petty bickering. And now that the weather is settling in, it's time to go back outside and play. I think I'll be moving this party back over to the other address, abandoned these many months.

Italic type

2006-04-28T19:45:00.000-05:00

Italic type refers to a cursive typeface based on a stylized form of calligraphic handwriting.

Italic type is used for the following things:

emphasis

the titles of works that stand by themselves

the names of ships

foreign words

use-mention distinction

introducing terms

the latin binary nomenclature, in the taxonomy of living organisms

symbols for physical quantities and other mathematical variables

"Italic type." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 25 Apr 2006, 21:31 UTC. 29 Apr 2006, 00:48 .

Italic type ~~is not~~ should not be used for:

direct quotes

indirect quotes

An example of how not to use italic type:

“His most rational response to my attempts at drawing him out about literature and art was 'I adore italics, don't you?'” --Siegfried Sassoon

Foie gras

2006-04-26T21:38:00.000-05:00

Introduction
Foie gras is the fattened liver of a duck or goose. In the production of foie gras, the animals are fed through a feeding tube which many people view as being inhumane. However, many studies have shown that the process not only causes no damage to the animals, but they don't feel any discomfort as they lack a gag reflex and have much tougher esophogi than humans.

Ancient History
It turns out that people have been eating this stuff since at least 2500 B.C. Can you believe it? There are bas relief depictions of Egyptian slaves overfeeding geese so that their livers can be harvested and eaten. Interestingly, in 2450 B.C., an Egyptican provincial governor (known as nomarchs) named Laomoodreej proposed a ban on the production and sale of the delicacy. Fortunately for lovers of the food, the pharaoh had the unpopular nomarch executed.

As the Romans took over the planet, they too became fond of foie gras, stuffing their geese with figs -- the word "ficatum" which means "figs" eventually became the root for the word "foie" which means "liver." The Romans, with their love of food and orgies never had an issue with anyone attempting to ban anything.

After the fall of the Roman empire, foie gras seems to have vanished from European cuisine. Fortunately for us, Jews, being unable to use lard due to dietary restrictions, revived the tradition of shoving food down the throats of geese and ducks in order to use the fatty liver for cooking. Their love of the food soon faded, but not before others picked up on it again. In 1570, a scant 92 years after Ferdinand and Isabella began trying, torturing and executing Jews in the name of the Catholic Church, the Pope's chef published a cookbook in which he wrote that the Jews were able to produce duck and goose livers weighing over three pounds. There is no proven connection between the Spanish Inquisition and the Jewish propensity towards force-fed waterfowl, but experts have recently uncovered some evidence that says there may be something to that theory.

Current Production and Controversy
Currently, it is the French who produce most of the world's foie gras with 80% of the world's production coming from that country. 30,000 people are involved in that industry in the country. Fearful of European attempts to ban foie gras, French legislators passed a law declaring foie gras to be an important part of France's history and culture, granting it the same protections given to the Eiffel Tower.

In an ironic move, the Supreme Court of Israel has banned production of foie gras in the entire country. The people who once excelled at the creation of the tasty dish have decided to put down their food pellets and hang up their feeding tubes.

Following in Israel's footsteps, the Illinois Senate has passed a law banning production in the state. It was a pretty bold move considering that there has never been a foie gras farm anywhere near Illinois. More forceful, perhaps, is the recent ban on the serving of foie gras at restaurants in the city of Chicago -- a city known as "the hog butcher to the world."

"Joe Banks, 82 years young, has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years to feed the ducks. But last month Joe made a discovery: the ducks were gone." -- Bart Simpson

“If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?” -- Will Rogers

“Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in.” -- Confucius

Pluralis majestatis

2006-04-26T16:12:00.000-05:00

Pluralis majestatis or "the royal we" is a plural pronoun used to refer to one person alone. Its usage is often restricted to "royalty" -- monarchs, Popes, etc. -- who are always speaking not just for themselves, but also for their people.

Similar to the royal we is the "editorial we" used by journalists. With the editorial we, the people for whom the writer is speaking is the staff of the news organization for which the writer works. Interestingly, usage of the editorial we has spread to blogs, but bloggers often work for no organization. In this case they are not necessarily speaking for "their people" but rather are creating a professional distance between themselves and that which they write. For example, Jeralyn, of TalkLeft discussed at length the idea of using the editorial "we" vs. "I" in her posts, even going so far as to experiment with using "I" for a week. Judging by the most recent entries on her site, it seems that "I" came out on top.

“We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist.” -- Queen Victoria

"We are not impressed." -- Christina Guskweck

“Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'” -- Mark Twain

Imitation

2006-04-18T13:09:00.000-05:00

Imitation is "an advanced animal behavior whereby an individual observes another's behaviour and replicates it itself." It's also known as aping, thus the picture above.

It's been said to be the highest form of flattery.

So when I do this and then see this, it makes me feel so good!

Messianic complex

2006-04-16T22:00:00.000-05:00

A messianic complex is a psychological state in which someone believes himself to be the savior of the world. This may take shape in many forms: from a subtle quietly held belief of his divine nature to outright declaration of their status as the son of God.

Throughout history, many people have claimed to be Jesus, most recently, Marshall Applewhite, leader of the Heaven's Gate Cult.

Some more links: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Yellow Journalism

2006-04-16T15:03:00.000-05:00

Yellow journalism "is a pejorative reference given to various practices or tendencies of news media organizations which, by the standards of journalistic professionalism, are considered to be unprofessional and detrimental to the principles of journalistic integrity as a whole."

In other words: crappy, sensationalizing, tabloid "press." It's stuff that's not worth reading. It's not worth listening to. It's not worth watching. It's poorly written, devoid of content, and completely without merit. Sometimes it's referred to as "infotainment" -- a combination of information and entertainment -- but for my money, there's not enough of either to merit that description.

You can find it everywhere: from tabloid newspapers and their sensationlist headlines to Fox news and Walter Jacobson's hyper-dramatic, over-enunciated drivel. It's an obvious -- yet effective -- technique to sell more papers and gain more viewers. People love the overly dramatic and will flock to it. This translates directly into more money in the pockets of the companies that own the media.

Interestingly, this sort of "journalism" has made its way into personal blogsites. Some bloggers have made their "careers" on the practice of treating the smallest things as big news; creating controversy where there is none; and creating a mob rule atmosphere. By creating a culture of fear, these bloggers have effectively rallied people to their cause -- vague though that cause may be -- and continue to create an "us against them" atmosphere without even clearly defining what the sides are. Because there is no money (none that I can see, anyway) involved, I can only assume that it's a popularity contest, or a cry for help and attention.

Some links:

Blogging as Journalism: A Defense

Is Blogging Journalism?

Wikipedia:Journalism Ethics and Standards

Cut and paste (copied and pasted)

2006-04-14T14:58:00.000-05:00

In human-computer interaction, cut and paste or copy and paste is a user interface paradigm for transferring text, data, files or objects from a source to a destination. Most ubiquitous is the ability to cut and paste sections of plain text. This paradigm is closely associated with graphical user interfaces that use pointing devices.
The term cut and paste derives from the traditional practice in manuscript editing in which paragraphs were literally cut from a page with scissors and physically pasted onto another page. This was standard practice as late as the 1960s. Editing scissors with blades long enough to cut an 8-1/2"-wide page were available at stationery stores. The advent of photocopiers made the practice easier and more flexible.
The cut-and-paste paradigm was widely popularized by Apple in the Lisa (1981) and Macintosh (1984) operating systems and applications. It was mapped to a key combination consisting of a special control key held down while typing the letters X (for cut), C (for copy), and V (for paste). Similar key combinations were later adopted by Microsoft in Windows. Common User Architecture (in Windows and OS/2) also uses combinations of the Insert, Del, Shift and Control keys. Some environments allow cutting and pasting with a computer mouse (by drag and drop, for example).

Copy and paste

Copy-and-paste refers to the popular, simple method of reproducing text or other data from a source to a destination, which is only different from cut and paste in that the original source text or data is not deleted or removed as it is with the latter process.
Copying can be performed on most graphical user interface systems using the key combinations Ctrl+C (in UNIX environment used for killing the running process) or Ctrl+Ins (the former being more widely supported), or by using some other method, such as a context menu or a toolbar button. Once data have been copied into the area of memory referred to as the clipboard, they can be pasted into a destination using the key combinations Ctrl+V or Shift+Insert, or methods dependent on the system. Macintosh computers use the key combinations Command+C and Command+V. In the X Window System, selecting text copies it to a clipboard, while middle-clicking pastes.
The popularity of this method stems from its simplicity and the ease with which data can be moved between various applications without resorting to permanent storage.

"Cut and paste." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 12 Apr 2006, 14:46 UTC. 12 Apr 2006, 22:00 .

“I say that I can't make anything up. I think of myself as a collage artist. I'm cutting and pasting memories of my life. And I say, I have to live a life in order to tell a life. I would prefer to tell it because telling you're always in control, you're like God.” -- Spalding Gray

“If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and copy what they do and you'll achieve the same results.” -- Anthony Robbins

“Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.” -- Pablo Picasso

Cut and paste

2006-04-12T16:48:00.000-05:00

“I say that I can't make anything up. I think of myself as a collage artist. I'm cutting and pasting memories of my life. And I say, I have to live a life in order to tell a life. I would prefer to tell it because telling you're always in control, you're like God.” -- Spalding Gray

“If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and copy what they do and you'll achieve the same results.” -- Anthony Robbins

“Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.” -- Pablo Picasso

Coherence

2006-04-08T16:14:00.000-05:00

Coherence, in language, is basically a state when things all fit together to make sense. Being coherent takes a lot of things working in the right way when speaking. A speaker must know the right language to use for his audience and he must also know the right words to use in that language. He must also speak clearly and concisely, in an appropriate manner to suit his audience. The written language has a few benefits for coherence's sake: namely, the ability to really think about what words one will use; less potential for "stage fright" causing nervousness; and the use of technology (such as spell checkers and online reference libraries.)

That said, there are some amazingly incoherent writers out there. I know I'm a stickler for details such as spelling and grammar. I admit that sometimes I'm too harsh when it comes to judging these things. People say, "As long as you know what I'm trying to say, does it matter if everything's spelled correctly?" To a certain extent, I can agree with that. The most important thing when writing something is getting your meaning across -- if a typo or grammatical error pops up here or there, what's the big deal?

A writer must be careful, however, that he does not lose credibility through repeated mistakes. A reader will make judgments on the trustworthiness of an article and its author based on the evidence they have available. With the absence of a physical presence, the writer's words are the main things a reader can use. If the writer's words are misspelled or misused, a reader might dismiss the writer's arguments without even paying attention to what they are. Take for example these two (hypothetical) statements:

"teh simpsons r teh best shoe on tv simpsons r rulez!"

"'The Simpsons' is a TV show that has absolutely no merit whatsoever and should be removed from the airwaves."

Now, because of the childish and poorly written nature of the first statement, one might be inclined to disassociate oneself from the writer to the point of disagreeing with the content. Even though the writer's point is made and is (mostly) coherent, the obvious lack of attention paid to the form of the message is sure to turn many a reader off.

Real problems (beyond the reaction of your readers) arise when statements become so confusing that a reader can't tease even the slightest bit of meaning out of the content. It is possible to write in such a convoluted and confusing manner that a reader is just left shaking his head, wondering what the writer had in mind. It is sometimes amazing that an intelligent and capable person who speaks the same language as his readers could create something that is so incoherent that no message is relayed at all. Much of this could be avoided if the writer would just take a minute to reread what he's written and ask himself, "Does this make sense? Is this how I would have spoken this argument?" Reading the work out loud can also help. Best of all, having someone else read the content will go a long way towards ensuring that everything that the writer intends will come through clearly and without any confusion.

"The shift from incoherence to coherence can bring dramatic effects." -- William Tiller

“These conflicting messages reflect a lack of clarity and coherence." -- Michael Shifter

Retronym

2006-04-06T21:37:00.000-05:00

Retronyms are words coined for the purpose of describing an object or concept whose original name is no longer unique. Often, these words are necessitated by the advent of technology -- such as when email and voicemail became prevalent, the term "snail mail" came into being. Also, the invention of the electric guitar brought along the term "acoustic guitar."

However, there are also non-technological retronyms. Before World War II, World War I was known as "The Great War" or "The War to End All Wars." And when a sequel to a movie comes out, the original is often commonly referred to as (for example) "Jaws 1" or "Star Trek 1."

Wikipedia

2006-04-03T13:01:00.000-05:00

It should come as no surprise that I love Wikipedia.org. According to Wikipedia's own entry, it is a "multilingual Web-based free-content encyclopedia." Wikipedia is also known as "the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit." Anybody who spends a little time learning the formatting standards and methods (look at the Wikipedia Wikipedia Boot Camp for help) can edit, add to, and create articles on the site, contributing their knowledge and expertise to that of the community. It's a truly amazing model for information collection and dispersion, putting control of the information in the hands of the users.

These users form a community that is dedicated to research and education. One amazing feature of the site is the reference desk where one can ask a question about any topic that is not easily found in the encyclopedia. The other users on the site will contribute their thoughts and comments on the topic.

Wikipedia's main strength can also be its biggest weakness -- by creating a community-based site and calling it an "encyclopedia" it makes it possible for people to publish false and malicious information in a trusted forum. However, a conscientious researcher will always consider his or her source carefully before considering the information to be factual. With the advent of the internet and the ability for anybody to publish anything, this is even more important.

Worse than information that is incomplete or incorrect is information that is purposely misleading, irrelevant or inconsistent with the mission of the site. Take for example the John Siegenthaler biography controversy in which a Wikipedia user edited the biography entry for John Siegenthaler Sr., suggesting that he had a role in the Kennedy assassination.

Other people may edit entries and add information that is completely irrelevant to the article. For instance, there is the recent bit of editing of the "smoke and mirrors" article in which a user has attempted to a statement about the 49th Ward of Chicago's tendency to make use of "smoke and mirrors." Fortunately, it is easy to revert the article to a state where it better fits in with the purpose of the site, and it is also possible to see what other edits this user has made and hopefully put a stop to it. (See the article's edit history and the activities of 24.12.63.77.

"[H]owever closely a Wikipedia article may at some point in its life attain to reliability, it is forever open to the uninformed or semiliterate meddler." - Former Encyclopedia Britannica editor Robert McHenry in an oft-cited 2004 piece The Faith-Based Encyclopedia.

"Wikipedia knows all, and what it doesn't know, you can tell it." - Shaye Horwitz

"The real problem is not Wikipedia, but reporters who fail to check their facts." - Joseph Wilson

"Only an idiot and a thug would scribble nonsense in a library book." - Alison Hess Garcia

Photo essays

2006-03-31T11:33:00.000-06:00

A photo essay is a set or series of photographs used to tell a story or evoke an emotion in the viewer. Photo essays are sometimes made up of many photographs and text captions, or just the phototgraphs themselves, leaving the interpretation in the hands of the viewer. "All photo essays are collections of photographs, but not all collections of photographs are photo essays." Your vacation photos probably don't count.

Sometimes photo essays appear in an article or publication -- often taking up multiple pages. They might appear in a book or on a web site. Sometimes they'll appear as a single montage of photographs.

Photo essays can be incredibly powerful. By combining many different photographs focused in some way on one topic, the viewer can get a feel for the big picture of an event.

“Think about the photo before and after, never during. The secret is to take your time. You mustn't go too fast. The subject must forget about you. Then, however, you must be very quick.” -- Henri Cartier-Bresson

“I take a lot of photos of people.” -- Heath Ledger

“In France we have a law which doesn't allow the press to publish a photo that you didn't approve. It lets the paparazzi take the picture, but if they publish this picture, you have the choice to sue the newspaper. So me, I always sued them.” -- Audrey Tautou

"One picture is worth a thousand words, but that's still not even a fraction of the story." -- Anthony Eosine Sposato

Power naps

2006-03-27T12:28:00.000-06:00

A power nap (or catnap) is "a short nap, usually 15-30 minutes" in duration. Some people swear by these short naps, saying that they wake up feeling refreshed and energized. Others find themselves feeling groggy and disoriented upon waking up. Regardless, the ability to shut down for even a short period of time is beneficial to both mind and body.

Naps also have great nostalgic value. They bring to mind nap time from our youth. Back then, we had all the time in the world -- enough even to go to sleep in the middle of the day. As we've aged, time is tighter. There's never enough. It's a joy to be able to find some extra time to do absolutely nothing but clear our minds, and rest our bodies.

A nap industry has even arisen in recent years. Companies such as Metro Naps have created spaces and equipment to facilitate napping for busy professionals.

"Oh boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!" -- Ralphie Wiggum (from "The Simpsons")

"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap." -- Carrie P. Snow

"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four" -- Yogi Berra

"Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap." -- Barbara Jordan

Non-sequitur

2006-03-16T12:40:00.000-06:00

There are two forms of non-sequitur that I am interested in. First, there is non-sequitur that is a logical fallacy. This form of non-sequitur occurs when a statement does not follow from a premise even if all the statements are true (or false). With non-sequitur, one cannot make the determination about the validity of the statements.

For example:

A) All cats are mammals.
B) My cat is cute.
C) Therefore, all mammals are cute.

or:

A) Joe Moore is a jerk.
B) Someone broke my windows.
C) Therefore, I will blame Joe Moore. Where are the Cheetos?

This last example not only illustrates the logical fallacy, but also the other form of non-sequitur, which is absurdism. Absurdist non-sequiturs are statements (or actions) that have so little connection to the context within which they occur that they are absurd, often to the point of being humorous. Many comic strips, comedians, television shows and cartoons are largely based around the humor of the non-sequitur.

In thinking about non-sequitur, we must remember that the two forms are not mutually exclusive. Many logical non-sequiturs can be so ridiculous that they are absolutely hysterical. They leave the reader wondering, "How the hell did they come to that conclusion?" One can only shake one's head, smile a bemused little smile and move on.

No quotes today, but here's that famous joke:

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Fish.

Argumentum ad Hominem

2006-03-09T11:39:00.000-06:00

An ad hominem argument is one focuses on attacking the person presenting the argument rather than addressing the issue of the argument itself. It is a logical fallacy.

There are three types of ad hominem arguments: ad hominem tu quoque, ad hominem circumstantial, and ad hominem abusive.

Ad Hominem tu Quoque

Ad Hominem tu Quoque ("you too!") is an instance when a person's argument is dismissed simply because they are also guilty of that which they are arguing about.

For example:

Person A: By selling your house to a developer who is going to tear it down and build a crappy looking condo building, you are ruining our community.
Person B: But you're doing exactly the same thing! That means it's okay!

While it may be hypocritical for Person A to make this argument, it does not make his point invalid. We often criticize people for things that we ourselves are guilty of. Our guilt does not invalidate the criticism.

Ad Hominem Circumstantial

Ad Hominem Circumstantial constitutes an attack on the bias of a person. This is fallacious because pointing out one's predisposition towards a certain position does not invalidate their argument in any way.

Example:

Person A: Selling your house to a developer who is going to tear it down and build a beautiful condo building helps the community immeasurably.
Person B: Of course you think that! You're a developer!

Ad Hominem Abusive

Finally, we get to ad Hominem Abusive (my personal favorite). This one consists of an insult of the argument's presenter. As examples show, it can take several forms:

Person A: Selling your house to a developer who is going to tear it down and build a beautiful condo building helps the community immeasurably.
Person B: Don't listen to him, he doesn't smell good.

Person A: Selling your house to a developer who is going to tear it down and build a crappy condo building is destroying the neighborhood.
Person B: I disagree because you are an idiot.

Person A: Selling your house to a developer who is going to tear it down and build a beautiful condo building helps the community immeasurably.
Person B: Fuck you.

Ad hominem arguments can be very powerful when they are used in a public setting. By attacking one's opponent, it is possible to cast them in a negative light, thus causing observers to doubt anything they say. Pre-emptively attacking an opponent (also known as poisoning the well) in order to color an audience's reception of an argument can also be very effective. Even if an observer is not aware of it, the attacks may very well create an unconscious bias against anything the attacked person says.

On the other hand, these types of arguments are capable of backfiring. Thoughtful and sensitive observers who are capable of recognizing the fallacious arguments might find that they no longer side with the attacker, simply based on principle alone. Therefore, if one needs to resort to this type of argument, one should be aware of the potential consequences.

Some quotes:

“Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.” -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.” -- Moliere

“A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me” -- Frederick Douglass

“I love it when someone insults me. That means that I don't have to be nice anymore.” -- Billy Idol

Kittens

2006-03-08T11:08:00.000-06:00

Kittens are pre-adolescent cats. And damn, they're cute. Who wouldn't love a kitten? They're small and fuzzy and they get into the craziest adventures. They're incredibly easy to entertain (and because of this, they are incredibly entertaining.) They like to play with yarn, string, rolled up pieces of paper, shoelaces -- you name it, they'll play with it.

While humans take care of kittens -- feeding them, playing with them, sheltering them -- it is well-documented that they, in turn, take care of us. Petting your cat helps lower your blood pressure and improve your mood. Why, just looking at pictures of kittens will put a smile on the sourest person's face.

There are many websites devoted to kittens (and cats) -- here are a couple:

Kittenwar.com allows you to choose which of two kitten photographs is cuter

Infinitecat.com is an amazing cat photography project

Mycathatesyou.com is less cute, but still fun

And the quotes:

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food. (from the Simpsons)

Kent Brockman: ...and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. (from the Simpsons)

“A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally stopping before it gets there.” -- Agnes Repplier

“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.” -- Abraham Lincoln

“A kitten is so flexible that she is almost double; the hind parts are equivalent to another kitten with which the forepart plays. She does not discover that her tail belongs to her until you tread on it.” -- Henry David Thoreau

Thanks to Rebecca Rouilly for inspiring today's post.

Faulty generalizations

2006-03-07T10:46:00.000-06:00

James Ginderske's statement on Morse Hellhole that "every single blogger in RP is supporting Claypool because its[sic] the right thing to do for this neighborhood" leads me to this Wikipedia entry about faulty generalizations.

Some quotes:

“All generalizations are false, including this one.” -- Mark Twain

“All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.” -- Alexandre Dumas

“All generalizations are bad.” -- R.H. Grenier

Copyright

2006-02-28T15:45:00.000-06:00

A copyright is "a set of exclusive rights granted by governments to regulate the use of a particular expression of an idea or information." These rights usually serve to restrict the ability of individuals to copy, distribute or republish protected works and to protect the ownership of such works. We're all familiar with copyrights and their importance -- we know that it is illegal to make and sell copies of movies, music or books.

However, in the digital age, copyrights and what they protect has gotten less clear. Access to media is so much easier these days. People trade high-quality copies of songs with an ease and quickness that was not possible 10 years ago. Musicians -- record companies, really -- have been facing loss of revenue due to the wide availability of free copies of their products.

Even more at risk than music and movies are the published, written ideas of individuals and companies. Formerly, these texts were -- at the very least -- published in magazines, newspapers or books and had physical weight and presence which would discourage people from out and out copying. Nowadays, with the prevalence of online newspapers, journals and even blogs, the ease with which one can copy and paste content that is not their own makes it all too tempting. Copyright violations are rampant and there is little one can do.

Some copyrights are very lenient. The content on Wikipedia, for example, is made freely available for republishing and reuse so long as one follows certain rules. Their copyright statement says that as long as one doesn't impede the right of other people to copy the material and one provides credit to the original authors (which I do by way of a direct link to any article I make use of) then reposting and reusing their material is legal.

On the other hand, many sites closely guard their content. The Chicago Tribune's website, chicagotribune.com publishes much of the content of their newspaper. Their copyright statement says that it is legal to read, interact with, download and/or print one copy of any piece of content on their site. However, it is expressly forbidden to repost, copy, publish or otherwise distribute any content on their site. That means that copying a story from chicagotribune.com and pasting it into a blog entry -- even if one quotes the source and mentions the original copyright -- is a violation of that copyright.

Some copyright quotes:

Lawyer: Principal Skinner, "The Happiest Place on Earth" is a registered Disneyland copyright.
Principal Skinner: Oh now, gentlemen, it's just a small school carnival.
Lawyer: And it's heading for a great big lawsuit. You made a big mistake, Skinner.
Principal Skinner: Well, so did you. You got an ex-Green Beret mad.
[he finger-thrusts the first goon in the Adam's Apple, then kicks the lawyer in the chest; they both go down groaning; as the second goon runs away, Skinner picks up the lawyer's briefcase and flings it into the air; in the distance, it knocks down the goon]
Principal Skinner: Copyright expired. (from The Simpsons)

“Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.” -- Mark Twain

“My script was copyrighted in 1999 while I was in college, and theirs was copyrighted in 2001, the same year that I was getting investors and letters of intent. A very famous celebrity gave Ice Cube my script and the story board. I am not saying two people can't have the same idea, but for our concepts to be similar is impossible.” -- James Davis

“This is a plain and brazen violation of copyright law.” -- Nick Taylor

Spell checkers

2006-02-22T16:35:00.000-06:00

Spell checkers are pieces of software that will check the spelling of words against a set dictionary (or "vocabulary") of stored words. Spell checkers can work on the fly within a document or on demand or as a separate application. Spell checkers are handy tools combating against the evils of misspelling.

One very interesting and useful thing about spell checkers is that when they find a misspelled word, they will make guesses about the true intent of the author and offer up a list of words, correctly spelled that can be used to replace the misspelled word. Also useful is the ability to add one's own words to the vocabulary so that words that one uses that may not be widely known (such as one's name, regional slang or abbreviations) do not trigger the spell checker's error routines.

One problem with spell checkers is that they currently do not check the context of the word, meaning that while a word may be spelled correctly, it is not properly used. For example, if one wrote, "Hear again wee keep sending beating victim's and gunshot victim's to Evanston for care," a spell check would not display any errors because even though there are incorrect spellings and improper uses of apostrophes, none of the words are technically misspelled. These types of errors can only be caught and corrected through human proofreading.

Fortunately for us all, spell checkers have popped up in many software applications. Most email clients, instant messengers, and databases now have the ability to check your spelling on the fly, letting you know if you've made an error. The screen on which I make this entry even has a spell checker, ensuring that virtually every blog entry ever written by anybody will be free of spelling errors for all of eternity.

Quotes about spelling:

Lisa: Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB.
Bart: Hey, Homer, what's that B for?
Homer: That's a typo.

“I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way” -- Mark Twain

“Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis is tiny and he cannot spell.” -- Erica Jong

“My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.” -- A.A. Milne

Ochlocracy

2006-02-20T21:10:00.000-06:00

Ochlocracy or "mob rule" is government by a mob or a group of disorganized people. There's nothing more fun than being in a big group of people who are all dedicated to the same ideal and purpose, no matter how misguided it might be. There's strength in numbers and you can definitely get a lot more done when you go with the flow than when you try to swim upstream.

Besides, when the mob has gathered and when the mob has spoken, you don't want to rock the boat -- you might make waves! Your unpopular ideas might be noticed and then you're going to be in trouble.

Another plus -- you don't have to think for yourself. Gone are those terrible moments of self-doubt! As long as you listen to the mob (and how could you hear anything else when they're so loud?) then you'll be fine. Just fine.

Quotes from The Simpsons about mobs:

Kent Brockman: What started out as a traditional soccer riot has quickly escalated into a city-wide orgy of destruction. Reacting swiftly, Mayor Quimby declared "mob rule", meaning for the next several years, it's every family for themselves...

Principal Skinner: There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

Lisa: Dad, for the last time, please don't lower yourself to the level of the mob.
Homer: Lisa, maybe if I'm part of that mob, I can help steer it in wise directions. Now where's my giant foam cowboy hat and airhorn?

Other mob quotes:

“Those who try to lead the people can only do so by following the mob” -- Oscar Wilde

“There can be no such thing, in law or in morality, as actions forbidden to an individual, but permitted to a mob” -- Ayn Rand

“The mob is the mother of tyrants” -- Diogenes

Hyperlinks

2006-02-17T21:01:00.000-06:00

Hyperlinks are those nifty bits of text or graphics (or whatever, really) that let you jump from page to page, document to document at your will. Hypertext and hyperlinks make the web go around.

First, let me say that hypertext is brilliant -- it's having all those "see also" references in your encylopedias and dictionaries actually bring you right to the suggested page. It's what makes "surfing" possible. You can get lost in a series of links that take you eight sites and ten topics away from where you started.

What's great about hypertext is about how people use it. Some folks will link only to documents in their own site, illuminating their importance and expertise in a certain field. Say, for example, that I was discussing pizza here. Why, I might be so bold as to not refer you to Wikipedia's history of pizza or even, for that matter to Pizza Hut.Rather, I might choose to send you to my own discourse on pizza. And why not? Nobody else has anything to say about pizza that's better than my comments, and I have no interest and nothing to gain by referring my readers to a site other than mine. Let's increase our clicks and pageloads and keep everyone bouncing around right here. Besides, if anybody else knew more about pizza than me, I wouldn't have to write about it in the first place.

Hyperlinks often bring you somewhere you wouldn't expect, such as a pornographic web site, or the web-site of an addle-minded, short-sighted misanthrope with a 9th-grade education. You never know where you're going to end up -- and that's the beauty of it all.

Many a dissertation could be written about hypertext and hyperlinks, their impact on the way we learn, how we access information and hundreds of other topics, but this is not the time nor the place, especially when this entry was inspired by somebody who was just trying to say they were sorry.

Hypertext quote:

“[Even the Chicago Police are impressed with the result.] We think it's great, ... It's very innovative, taking data that we're already publishing on our crime site, which has been up since late 2000. By repackaging that information, presenting it in a highly interactive way with hyperlinks all over the place, it is easy to explore and to drill up and down in the data. It does some creative things with mapping.” -- Jonathan Lewis

Statistics

2006-02-16T14:06:00.000-06:00

Statisitics are great. Statistics can be used to prove anything. For example, if I wanted to show how great statistics are, I could say, "90% of people love statistics" and you couldn't argue because there's that percentage sign there and that must mean it's true. Plus, it's on the internet, so it's automatically valid.

On the other hand, if I thought statistics sucked, I could say, "85% of all statistics are incorrect." What could you say to that? You couldn't say, "Well, statistics are still great even if they're all wrong," because that wouldn't make any sense. That's why statistics are so great. You can use them for absolutely anything.

Some statistical quotes:

Kent Brockman: [after Michael Moore has given Kent a ridiculous statistic] Where did you get that statistic?
Michael Moore: Your Mother!

Homer: Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

“I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics” -- Mark Twain

“Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.” -- Aaron Levenstein

“It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics.” -- George Bernard Shaw

Pizza

2006-02-14T17:39:00.000-06:00

Pizza -- seems like an easy first one to go with, but what the hell? It was there. And who among us, except for the criminally insane, does not love pizza? Let's look at its many virtues:

It's a quick and easy meal. Pizza doesn't need side dishes or salads. It can be all four food groups in one hand-held delivery mechanism.
It's a great social food. There's nothing quite like a pizza shared amongst friends.
It's got near universal appeal. Because of the sheer variety of toppings possible, there's bound to be a pizza for everyone.
It's cheap. Split an extra-large pizza between a few friends and your out-of-pocket expense is going to be pretty low for a great meal.

I have some friends who don't like a lot of the things I like on pizza though, and that can be a downfall. Some folks just want pepperoni on their pies, but I like to get a little eclectic when choosing toppings. Pizzeria Bubamara will stuff the crust with cherries, and while most people will shy away from such a thing, I find it to be quite tasty. I realize that's pretty out there, but some folks don't even like anything green on their pizza. I ordered a pizza with broccoli on it once and my friend sarcastically commented, "Great moss, Archie!"

Some pizza quotes:

Marge: Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
Lisa: What are we gonna have?
Homer: Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.
Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Bart: Poison pizza.
Homer: Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.

“Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.”

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.” -- Yogi Berra

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” -- Dave Berry

A Brand New Look

2006-02-13T08:45:00.000-06:00

My last blog was created not out of love, as the title implied, but out of disdain. It was disdain for people who would yell loud enough to drown out all others and who are on a quest -- a quest not to improve things in a neighborhood, but just to hear their own shrill, annoying voices.

Well, I'm done with the hatred. I'm finished. It's gotten me nowhere. From now on, I blog out of love. Each entry here will be about something pulled from my mental rolodex -- a person, place, or thing -- and how and why I love it so.