We here at ILEAE agree wholeheartedly. Those (approximately) 60,000 people who don't read Rogers Park Bench every day are idiots. We've heard all the excuses and think they're all bullshit. They include:
- I don't have access to the internet.
- I'm only six months old.
- I'm 80 years old and don't know what the internet is.
- I write my own blog.
- I prefer to get my news from reputable sources that aren't permanently biased, factually inaccurate, and focused on personal vendettas.
These excuses are ridiculous and we suggest to those (approximately) 60,000 people that perhaps they'd be happier in a different Chicago neighborhood, because we don't need them here.
4 comments:
You didn't mention these bullshit excuses*:
1. My dog just died today.
2. I started something, I forced you to a zone and you were clearly never meant to go.
3. Because you're evil and you lie.
4. You wouldn't like the real me anyway.
5. Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's really serious.
6. I may have scurvy.
7. I'm too despondent to leave my room.
8. What difference does it make?
9. I know I'm unlovable; I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside.
10. I lost my faith in womanhood.
11. I would go out tonight but I haven't a stitch to wear.
12. My girlfriend left me with a broken heart and a lost virginity, and frankly, I can't see you doing any better.
*Thanks, McSweeney's
Ignorant? i thought we were very good hat tippers.
ha ha funny
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