Athlete Does the Unthinkable

Wes Cavalier, local athlete, has recently participated in several activities involving competition and physical exertion. This stinks of athletics.

Whoopsie!

Well, even the best of us make mistakes once in a while. It turns out that I was misinformed about Chris Adams. It turns out that he's not a wrestler; he did not invent the flying superkick; he did not train "Stone Cold" Steve Austin; and most importantly (thank God!) he is not dead.

It turns out that Chris Adams is actually a cricketer from England! I mistakenly read and posted a link to the wrong article. This is the appropriate article.

While I am very relieved to hear that Mr. Adams is not dead and that he has had an incredible career, scoring over 15,000 runs over nearly 20 years, I am a bit disturbed to find out that he doesn't even live in the United States, much less Chicago or Rogers Park. While we are all the same underneath our skin and we all have the same human needs and desires, there are issues and problems here in Rogers Park that are specific and unique. I think that at the very least, Mr. Adams should 'cross the pond' (as the Brits say) and spend some time in our neighborhood before he is qualified to represent us.

Another Wrestler in Office?

I don't know how to lead into this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: Chris Adams is a former professional wrestler and is actually deceased. Shocking, huh? Don't believe it? Well, Read this.

The article lays out his entire career from his humble beginnings in the late 1970s to his time on the tag-team "The Dynamic Duo" to drug problems and eventual death, shot in the chest by a former roommate.

He was the winner of 11 different championship titles and the inventor of many important signature moves, such as the flying superkick. He also is known for having trained wrestlers Scott Hall and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.

R.I.P. Gentleman Christopher Adams. You are missed.

Startling Revelations

I don't want to alarm anyone, but over the next couple days, I am going to reveal some things about the 49th ward aldermanic candidates that are going to blow your minds. Nothing is going to be the same.

Hang on and find a chair. You'll want to be sitting down for this.

More Words...

Lately, I've been helping you out with words that don't need hyphens. Here are some more:

• unethical
• immoral
• idiotic
• hypocrite
• moronic
• vapid
• corrupt
• egomaniac
• megalomaniac
• confused
• unfocused
• unwarranted
• unjustified
• prejudiced
  

And lest you think I don't want you to have any fun with hyphens, here are some words that do need them:

• self-serving
• self-loathing
• hare-brained
• feeble-minded

Interesting Candidates

If you think our candidates are weird, just check out Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson and Mike the Mover, both Democratic candidates in Washington's primary election next Tuesday. Here's their info.

Wasted Hyphens (UPDATED AGAIN)

I'd like to talk about an issue that concerns us all: the unnecessary use of hyphens in the world. Hyphens are not an unlimited resource. Once we use them all up, there will be no more and we will have to turn to other punctuation marks to replace them.

I'd like to ask you to do your part to save the hyphens. I'm hoping that with voluntary compliance, I won't have to legislate against excessive hyphen usage once I'm in office.

To help you out, here are several examples of words that don't need hyphenation:

• within
• without
• turnout
• hoopla
• checkup
• upcoming
• reelection
• reestablish
• renewal
• handmade
• outside
• naysayer
• untrustworthy
• anticlimactic
• ad hoc
• makeup
• unguarded
• unofficial
• unknown
• uninformed
• unaccountable
• stakeout
• northeast
• southeast
• handcuffs
• sidekick
• prepaid
• nonunion
• war chest
• coordinator
• coworkers
• cosponsor
• outdated
• throughout
• lookouts
• outlook
• onlooker
• wherever
• partygoers
• overflowing
• overabundant
• homeowner
• after all
• jackass

And this is just a partial list. There are many, many more words that don't require the use of a hyphen. Hopefully this will get you started as you begin your own quest for the conservation of this very important and very limited natural resource.

Updated

• misinformation
• whereas
• foresee
• unattended
• unquote
• uncovered
• untreated
• unloading
• unhealthy
• unexpected
• unmanned
• unauthorizezd
• iPod
• subcontractor
• in between
• online
• reopening
• pigskin
• leftovers
• minivan
• ongoing
• website
• granddaddy
• update
• keepsake
• antisocial
• midday
• overall
• pinpoint
• rejoin
• moonlighting
• makeover
• dugout
• outcome
• weekend

Updated Again

• uncharted
• backtrack
• fanfare
• dimwits
• permitless
• nonprofit
• hotbed
• heavyweight
• lowdown
• meanwhile
• downtrodden
• eyeglasses
• prewarn (which is just about the dumbest word ever -- why not just warn someone?)
• kickoff
• unanswered
• fundraiser
• infomercial
• PayPal
• eBay
• bypasses
• fenceless
• roughshod
• unsupervised
• unedited
• backyard
• withstood
• previewing
• unsanctioned
• uncovered

Joe Moore takes a page from my book.

So it's been a while since I've posted here, mostly because my advisors have been screening everything I've written and have found it to be too potty-mouthed to publish. "It's not Aldermanic," they say. "We can't print this." But that's all changed now.

According to Craig G., bloglord of 'The "Broken Heart" of Rogers Park' Blog, Grill and Nightclub, 49th Ward Alderman Joe Moore told him to fuck himself 'after a brief verbal exchange.' One can only imagine what that brief verbal exchange consisted of, and I for one would be curious to know.

Regardless of what caused Alderman Moore's outburst, I find it refreshing and uplifting.

Back when I announced my candidacy for Alderman I stated that I had been considering three options. The first was a peaceful contemplation of the beauty and wonder that surrounds me every day. The second was telling everyone to fuck off and die. The third was running for alderman. I chose the third one thinking that it precluded the first two.

Thanks to Alderman Moore, I now know I was wrong. These things do not have to be mutually exclusive. These things can be aldermanic.

So, I have told my advisors to go fuck themselves. I'll post what I want and when I want and sensitivity can be damned.

Welcome to the new Archie Gait campaign:

Archie Gait '07: Fuck Off!

Art!

Spent a lovely evening at the group show at the Eidolon Art Studio this past Saturday. All of the artists who showed their work are to be commended. I found the works of Hilesh Patel and Angela Scalisi to be particularly compelling. With food and wine supplied generously by Ginderske 2007 (wish I'd thought of that) it was a wonderful time.

Evil, Evil Republicans

Some will say that he hasn't gotten a fair shake; that the only perspective we have on him is skewed by the "liberal media." I say that we don't need his kind. He is evil, through and through.

Who am I talking about? Well just look at this banner ad I discovered today:



That's right -- the Republicans are endorsing the archnemesis of Harry Potter: he who shall not be named; the evilest of evil wizards: Voldemort.

I always knew they were evil, but I didn't realize that they were this evil.

Sweeping Issues Under the Rug

I don't normally do this but I feel myself compelled to pull quotes from another blog.

This evening, while reading the "Broken Heart" of Rogers Park looking for updated news on one of the more important issues of recent times -- namely the blatant and willful cutting down of a tent in the park -- I came across this very disturbing comment from Kathleen Hogan:

Sorry, Craig, it was Mother Nature who blew down the little paint tent, not mischief-makers. As for the human excrement, I was not informed; when walking in the park, most humans must be careful not to step into unpicked-up dog leavings.

I feel that it is this sort of avoidance of the issues that is keeping Rogers Park from being the utopian neighborhood that it could be. Mother Nature? Really? Next they'll be claiming that it was a "big bad wolf" who "huffed and puffed" and blew the tent down.

It brings to mind another situation where "Mother Nature" was blamed for such destruction. Buildings were destroyed, people lost their homes, lives were lost and ruined. Everyone was so quick to cast the blame on "Mother Nature" and yet we learned in the months that followed that it was actually the federal government's fault and had nothing whatsoever to do with "Mother Nature."

This stinks of more than just the "human excrement" left behind. This smells of a cover-up.

Another guy

This guy doesn't give a rat's ass about you or Rogers Park.

I do.

Remember that.

Posters

Just got the new posters in. I think they look great and we're all really excited about them. Expect to see them up in the neighborhood (don't worry -- they'll be legally placed and securely attached) soon, but for now, here's a sneak peek!

"Opening the Gait"

Opening the Gait
by Edgar Steintip
Alderman's Health Magazine Vol. 23 Issue 6 June 2006.
Reprinted with permission.

Chicago's 49th ward lies within the boundaries of its Rogers Park neighborhood -- the most diversely populated neighborhood in an incredibly diverse city. There are more languages, skin tones and sexual preferences represented in this neighborhood than any other in the city making the governance of the area a considerable challenge.

Currently the 49th ward is run by Alderman Joe Moore, who has been in power since 1991. However, his popularity is flagging and there are many highly qualified candidates poised to upset the incumbent and take the 49th ward in new directions.

The most recent of these candidates is Archie T.S. Gait, who announced his intention to run in a post on his blog just last week. Virtually unknown in the political scene, Mr. Gait is definitely the underdog in this already tough election. I had the opportunity to speak with him immediately following his announcement.

AHM: In your announcement, you said that you felt your only options were to either tell everyone to 'fuck off' or to run for alderman. Why do you feel you had so few choices?

Archie Gait: Well, let me first clarify that I do not feel that those two options are mutually exclusive. I'm considering running on an "everyone fuck off" platform that my staff is incredibly excited about.

AHM: Duly noted. But why those two things? Why not just take a vacation? Or start knitting? You have little political experience and virtually no name recognition.

AG: It really just felt like the right thing to do. I mean, it seemed like everyone else was doing it. Or is about to do it. Or wants to do it. It looked like a whole lot of fun and I wanted in.

AHM: So you're running on a whim.

AG: Isn't everyone else?

AHM: You've kept your true identity shrouded in a veil of secrecy. Why all the mystery?

AG: [laughing] That's a hell of a description -- "a veil of secrecy." Did you learn that in your journalism class? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Um, yeah. Look -- I'm sick of all this talk about 'Who is Archie Gait? Is it this person? Is it that person?' Archie Gait is Archie Gait. There's nothing more to it than that. Nobody keeps asking 'Who is Joe Moore?' or 'Who is Tom Westgard?' We're all just people. I am who I say i am -- dedicated, concerned, caring, loving. I have no secrets.

AHM: So why did you refuse to meet me face to face?

AG: I would have loved to have met you in person, but I'm a very busy man. I've got several different engagments today. Plus, I'm shy. Did I mention that?

AHM: Some people believe that you don't even live in Rogers Park. Is that true?

AG: Of course I live in Rogers Park. Do you think I'd spend all this time here if I didn't? Rogers Park is a great place to live but a terrible place to visit. That's what I'm going to be working on as alderman.

AHM: Why do you say it's a terrible place to visit?

AG: There's nothing here. There's no reason to come here. Sure, we've got a few restaurants and bars and a theater or two, a couple miles of beach, but that's it. There are dozens of places in the city where you can find that and a parking spot to boot.

AHM: Why do you think that is?

AG: There's a lot of people in this neighborhood who don't know what they want. They think they want the neighborhood to be a better place, but they try to block every attempt to make it better. They scoff at everyone who makes an effort to change things. They spend all their time finding faults as opposed to celebrating the positive.

AHM: Celebrating the positive seems to be what you're all about.

AG: Absolutely. That's why I started my blog, "I Love Everything and Everyone." It's admittedly a little tongue in cheek, but the main purpose was to find some little thing related to the neighborhood and point out its good side.

AHM: You've made some enemies doing that though.

AG: Well, some people just can't take a fucking joke.

AHM: Any final thoughts you'd like to share with our readers?

AG: Just that everyone should know that as alderman, I'm not going to waste everyone's time with smoking bans and foie gras bans and other trivial things meant to distract the populace from the true issues at hand. That's such a Bush tactic. I'm going to focus on the important things: getting rid of the slumlords and the drug dealers; improving the local infrastructure; and finally bringing the amusement park to Rogers Park that we all want.

AHM: Wait. What? Amusement park?

AG: You'll see. Good day!

The Big Announcement

"It's been a while since I rapped at ya..."

But I've felt like everybody else is doing a pretty good job of talking about everything that needs (and doesn't need) to be talked about. I've been keeping my distance, figuring out what my next move is and I've come up with these three options:

1. Sitting outside, looking at the flowers, taking deep breaths, feeling like the calm center of the universe that I know I should be.


2. Telling everyone to fuck off and die.


3. Running for Alderman.

So, while I was sitting outside, looking at the flowers, and taking those deep breaths so I would have enough air in my lungs to yell "Fuck off and die!" at everyone walking past, I realized something. I realized that number 3 was the only valid option.

That's right -- you heard it here first. It's time for Archie T.S. Gait to throw his hat into the ring, make his presence felt, and let his voice be heard not just by the nerds who read this fake crap on the internet, but by everybody who bothers to pay attention to what their alderman says. So here we go, my little friends. It's going to be a long, hard road, but with my team of dedicated volunteers and the vast amounts of cash at my disposal, I know that we can win this one and truly make the 49th ward the place that everyone thinks that they want to think that it can be.

So remember: the other guys are bad. Archie T.S. Gait is good. That is all you'll ever need to know.

One Week Anniversary

It's been a week since I've read any of the Rogers Park-related blogs. It started quite accidentally, but once I realized it had been a couple days, I thought, "I can do this!" Do I feel some symptoms of withdrawal? Yes. Do I find myself thinking, "I could fill the next five minutes by reading some ridiculously dramatic and vitriolic trash?" Absolutely. Do I twitch and sweat and mutter to myself? Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with this.

But: Do I feel better? Do I feel more positive about the people in my neighborhood? Do I feel better about people and humanity in general?

You bet'cha. It's beautiful outside and there's no room in this world for the petty bickering. And now that the weather is settling in, it's time to go back outside and play. I think I'll be moving this party back over to the other address, abandoned these many months.

Italic type

Italic type refers to a cursive typeface based on a stylized form of calligraphic handwriting.

Italic type is used for the following things:

• emphasis


• the titles of works that stand by themselves


• the names of ships


• foreign words


• use-mention distinction


• introducing terms


• the latin binary nomenclature, in the taxonomy of living organisms


• symbols for physical quantities and other mathematical variables

"Italic type." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 25 Apr 2006, 21:31 UTC. 29 Apr 2006, 00:48 .

Italic type is not should not be used for:

• direct quotes


• indirect quotes

An example of how not to use italic type:

• “His most rational response to my attempts at drawing him out about literature and art was 'I adore italics, don't you?'” --Siegfried Sassoon

Foie gras

Introduction
Foie gras is the fattened liver of a duck or goose. In the production of foie gras, the animals are fed through a feeding tube which many people view as being inhumane. However, many studies have shown that the process not only causes no damage to the animals, but they don't feel any discomfort as they lack a gag reflex and have much tougher esophogi than humans.

Ancient History
It turns out that people have been eating this stuff since at least 2500 B.C. Can you believe it? There are bas relief depictions of Egyptian slaves overfeeding geese so that their livers can be harvested and eaten. Interestingly, in 2450 B.C., an Egyptican provincial governor (known as nomarchs) named Laomoodreej proposed a ban on the production and sale of the delicacy. Fortunately for lovers of the food, the pharaoh had the unpopular nomarch executed.

As the Romans took over the planet, they too became fond of foie gras, stuffing their geese with figs -- the word "ficatum" which means "figs" eventually became the root for the word "foie" which means "liver." The Romans, with their love of food and orgies never had an issue with anyone attempting to ban anything.

After the fall of the Roman empire, foie gras seems to have vanished from European cuisine. Fortunately for us, Jews, being unable to use lard due to dietary restrictions, revived the tradition of shoving food down the throats of geese and ducks in order to use the fatty liver for cooking. Their love of the food soon faded, but not before others picked up on it again. In 1570, a scant 92 years after Ferdinand and Isabella began trying, torturing and executing Jews in the name of the Catholic Church, the Pope's chef published a cookbook in which he wrote that the Jews were able to produce duck and goose livers weighing over three pounds. There is no proven connection between the Spanish Inquisition and the Jewish propensity towards force-fed waterfowl, but experts have recently uncovered some evidence that says there may be something to that theory.

Current Production and Controversy
Currently, it is the French who produce most of the world's foie gras with 80% of the world's production coming from that country. 30,000 people are involved in that industry in the country. Fearful of European attempts to ban foie gras, French legislators passed a law declaring foie gras to be an important part of France's history and culture, granting it the same protections given to the Eiffel Tower.

In an ironic move, the Supreme Court of Israel has banned production of foie gras in the entire country. The people who once excelled at the creation of the tasty dish have decided to put down their food pellets and hang up their feeding tubes.

Following in Israel's footsteps, the Illinois Senate has passed a law banning production in the state. It was a pretty bold move considering that there has never been a foie gras farm anywhere near Illinois. More forceful, perhaps, is the recent ban on the serving of foie gras at restaurants in the city of Chicago -- a city known as "the hog butcher to the world."

• "Joe Banks, 82 years young, has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years to feed the ducks. But last month Joe made a discovery: the ducks were gone." -- Bart Simpson


• “If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?” -- Will Rogers


• “Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in.” -- Confucius

Pluralis majestatis

Pluralis majestatis or "the royal we" is a plural pronoun used to refer to one person alone. Its usage is often restricted to "royalty" -- monarchs, Popes, etc. -- who are always speaking not just for themselves, but also for their people.

Similar to the royal we is the "editorial we" used by journalists. With the editorial we, the people for whom the writer is speaking is the staff of the news organization for which the writer works. Interestingly, usage of the editorial we has spread to blogs, but bloggers often work for no organization. In this case they are not necessarily speaking for "their people" but rather are creating a professional distance between themselves and that which they write. For example, Jeralyn, of TalkLeft discussed at length the idea of using the editorial "we" vs. "I" in her posts, even going so far as to experiment with using "I" for a week. Judging by the most recent entries on her site, it seems that "I" came out on top.

• “We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist.” -- Queen Victoria


• "We are not impressed." -- Christina Guskweck


• “Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'” -- Mark Twain

Imitation

Imitation is "an advanced animal behavior whereby an individual observes another's behaviour and replicates it itself." It's also known as aping, thus the picture above.

It's been said to be the highest form of flattery.

So when I do this and then see this, it makes me feel so good!