So, the other day, I was walking near one of our local restaurants, minding my own business, when this old woman comes up behind me, hits me a couple times with Don Gordon's baseball bat, and grabs my purse -- yeah, I carry a purse, so what? -- and starts running off with it. I quickly caught up to her and grabbed it back and then fled in fear. As I was running away, I noticed I was being chased by a local elected official. "It's my purse, you bastard!" I shouted. He yelled back, "Drop it!"
I jumped a fence and rounded a corner and ran straight into a reporter from ABC news who was eager to get my side of the story. Impressively, she managed to keep pace with me as I ran. Not so impressive was her mangling of every quote I gave her.
It's true! I can't help it!
